The Olympics officially kicked off in China and the future couldn’t be brighter for new talented athletes. It offers unbelievable feats like amazing races, hockey games, and of course Canada’s finest achievement: curling. The new sport added most recently to the mega-list is: sleeping.
Serious nappers across the globe have been training for years in order to be able to take a siesta on cue, sleeping for long durations, and the highest honor always goes to our underwater slumber sessions.
Nappers able to doze off on cue start their training sessions by listening to Leonard Nimoy audiobooks on cassette. After only seconds they are in deep sleep dreaming about things that are only impossible until they are not. Spock was not only a brainiac but also foresaw the emergence of a great metaverse. These Olympic dreamers were able to fall asleep at home or outside it mattered not.
Sleepers that are able to pull off the long duration nap time called out of work months ahead of time in order to be the one to bring home the gold. Last year Steve Urchman won it for the United States. He consecutively slept for 16 weeks straight and somehow was able to order a pizza and eat it in his dreams. Today’s metaverse makes things like this possible.
Finally, napping athletes of the highest regard are able to sleep soundly and safely underwater. Two years ago, Monica Yerzmann won the gold medal for Australia after she slept in her goldfish’s tank every night for 6 years in order to pull off sleep of that caliber. According to her doctor she has “no social graces,” makes “poor eating choices,” and “votes for the third-party candidate.” Just a waste of time.
If you think you have what it takes to sleep with the best of them, then don’t bother wasting your time running a virtual 5k. Instead, go into the metaverse and sleep. Show all those damn avatars who really can do nothing.
This report was brought to you by no one because we are all tired.
