BEIJING, China – (Satire News) – In one of the biggest surprises of the 2022 Winter Oympics, the team that was favored to win the gold in the two-man snowboarding event has been officially disqualified.
According to a reporter with China’s Fortune Cookie News Agency, the Brazilian team of Omar Vatapa and Liliano Capixaba, were disqualified for violating the two-man snowboarding rule, which expressly prohibits the two entrants from physically coming in contact with each other while on the snowboard.
Judges said that Vatapa was seen touching Capixaba’s left earlobe, half way into the event.
Vatapa commented that he was merely slapping at a mosquito that had landed on Capixaba’s ear.
The judges ruled that Vatapa’s comment was pure bullshit, as everybody knows that mosquitos cannot survive in frigid weather, and the temperature at that time was 3 degrees with a windchill factor of -16 degrees.
In Other Winter Olympic News: Reports are that a hot dog vendor was caught charging $17 for a hot dog and $7 extra for mustard. The Olympic Department of Price Gouging is looking into the matter.
