Canadian Pry Minister Dustin True-Dough recently held a press conference at the international airport of Gander, Newfoundland to announce that a resolution to the Ukraine crisis, as well as his own domestic turmoil, was imminent.
"What we've done is to invite all of the Russian troops currently stationed along the Ukraine's eastern border to fly to Ottawa to take care of some business for me."
As True-Dough spoke, a Russian Ilyushin troop transport aircraft could be seen in the background, having its wing tanks topped up with JP-4 aviation fuel and its fuselage tanks filled with Newfoundland's infamous "Screech" rum.
By True-Doughs side was Ivan Moscovitch Russki, senior designer with the Kalashnikov Group. He waited patiently for the pry minister to finish before addressing reporters in excellent English:
"Canadians need not worry about Russian soldiers packing lethal weapons on their soil. Our troops have left their rifles and sidearms behind, and are instead packing AK-2022 tranquilizer guns. Thanks to 3-D printing, we have been able to develop this weapon in record time -- and don't worry, the darts are not actually filled with tranquilizer. We filled them with COVID-19 vaccine instead -- Pfizer, Moderna, Astra Zeneca, whatever was available on short notice."
In possibly related news, it has been reported by the IOC that Russian cross country skiers competing in the Beijing Olympics have been shot with darts filled with steroids and cocaine while competing in races.
