Hemorrhoids, or 'piles' as they are more lovingly known, are on the increase, it's been claimed, and it's all down to the excessive amount of lounging around people are doing during the lockdown for the deadly Coronavirus.
Hemorrhoids - sometimes spelt 'haemorrhoids', or 'hæmorrhoids', though that isn't important here, are caused by extreme straining when having a cack, but can also come about as the result of too much sitting, especially in the elderly.
Doctors say they have been treating tens of thousands of patients with piles - some as big as golf balls - due to endless hours of sitting around watching terrible TV repeats, reading, knitting, and writing spoof news.
One doctor, Dr. William Ingsgate, said:
"Well, with my twelve doctorate degrees, I'm able to tell you that hemorrhoids aren't viral, but, if they were, I should say that we were right slap, bang in the middle of a Piledemic, and that's my joke for today!"
Another medic, Dr. Wendy Sokomo, said:
"That's ridiculous! It would, more likely, be termed a Hemorrdemic."