Pandas Ready To Step In If Chinese Human Population Is Wiped Out

Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 27 April 2020

image for Pandas Ready To Step In If Chinese Human Population Is Wiped Out
A panda trying to get the hang of chopsticks

As China teeters on the cusp of a possible 'second wave' of the Coronavirus, it's been broadcast all over social media that, if the human population of the country is wiped out, pandas are ready to step in and take control.

An expert on pandas said:

"They're very sensible and practical creatures. They're very 'black and white', and there are no grey areas. Also, they do no damage whatsoever to the environment, eating only bamboo shoots and leaves."

Pandas are thought to have acquired the power of speech in the same way that apes did in the 'Planet of the Apes' movies. They speak Mandarin Chinese fluently, with many also having a good command of Cantonese.

They are immune to the Coronavirus, and, as there are less than two thousand of the creatures in China, and they seem uninterested in business and commerce, pandas would be ideal partners in trying to limit the excessive amounts of greenhouse gases produced in the country.

According to an unnamed White House source, President Trump said, if the Chinese population were to be annihilated, and pandas came to power, he was always willing to sit down and discuss business with other world leaders, whether they were covered in fur or not.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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