S&P downgrades President Trump from “unreliable - hold onto for the time being” to “batshit crazy – drop the motherfucker now”

Written by Cleopatra Chaos

Monday, 27 April 2020

image for S&P downgrades President Trump from “unreliable - hold onto for the time being” to “batshit crazy – drop the motherfucker now”
Someone explains to President Trump what S&P wrote about him

The respected credit reference agency Standard & Poor has shocked the business world with a heavy broadside attack on US President Donald Trump based on his handling of the Coronavirus Pandemic. POTUS, with whom the business world has generally enjoyed good relations, owing to his ability to improve the lot of the US worker and the wealth of the country’s economy (usually at the expense of another country), has exasperated even his own supporters with his approach to the worldwide health crisis.

President and CEO of S&P, Douglas L. Peterson, said, in a Skype interview with the New York Times, “The President has upset a lot of people with his grandstanding and posturing, picking fights with Democrats and reporters, and even feeding false and dangerous medical advice to the public, which he then claimed was given sarcastically. We need a leader who can unite, not divide. That’s why we’ve downgraded President Trump from “unreliable” to “batshit crazy” and advised the US electorate to drop the motherfucker now.”

Minutes later, competitor Moody’s followed suit, announcing that Trump had been downgraded on their systems to “can his ass” while British agency Experion rated the US President more politely as “one sandwich short of a picnic – better to stay at home”.

President Trump hasn’t responded yet, though he has sent out tweets to his followers demanding to know “Who the fuck is Mr Standard and Poor and what sort of name is that anyway?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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