Coronavirus: Man Doesn't Want To Cause Widespread Panic, But EVERYONE Is Going To Die

Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 1 March 2020

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Que sera, sera

With the deadly Coronavirus spreading quickly across all continents, one man, who has painstakingly analyzed the situation, has said that he doesn't really want to cause mass hysteria amongst the populace, but everyone - yes, EVERYBODY - is going to die.

Moys Kenwood, a keen observer of current events, has been keeping abreast of coronadevelopments, and is fully conversant with the situation, and the threat posed by the pesky virus.

He spoke from his laboratory in Tapon, and said:

"It's unfortunate, unfortunately. No matter what we do, no matter what precautions we take, no matter how many times we wash our hands with soap and water after using the toilet, no matter how much exercise we do, or how many servings of fruit and vegetables we eat as part of our daily diet, we are all going to perish."

Death, he said, was unavoidable, and nobody would escape it.

"You can wear your seat-belt, and your motorcycle helmet, you can look both ways before you cross the road, you can avoid walking under ladders, and partaking in extreme activities such as bungee-jumping and paragliding, and you needn't go to Pamplona for the bull run, but your days are numbered, and you should be prepared to go at any moment."

He had this to say about Covid-19:

"As there are so many circumstances under which we might snuff it at any minute, Covid-19 is but a blip, and hardly worth our serious consideration. What will be, will be."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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