Putin to arrive in New York; will take over US

Written by joseph k winter

Monday, 24 February 2020

image for Putin to arrive in New York; will take over US
MSNBC announcers have adopted various disguises, strictly a safety measure

Thanks to the alert reporting of MSNBC, we now know the Russian plan is not simply to interfere with US elections.

It wants to completely take over the country—next week.

Mr. Putin has said he will probably reside in Trump Tower in New York, and stop by to chat with Bernie wherever convenient.

He also hopes to take on the New York Rangers in a hockey contest.

He will be alone on the ice, single-handed, to battle the Rangers, including without a goalie on the Russian side.

Hardball reporters from MSNBC have also thoroughly investigated the “undetectable methods” the Russians have been using in this now manifest conquest of the US (and the globe).

These “undetectable methods” have nevertheless been detected via a combination of brilliant deductions combined with gut-feeling shortly after breakfast on three successive mornings.

Not content with merely bringing Trump and Sanders into the Russian Global Interference Program, Mr. Putin is also reported taking on Mike Bloomberg as key “stop and frisk” advisor.

Further, he prefers MSNBC, CNN, and The New York Times as his news analysts and messengers for what lies ahead.

Objective: Organizing these corporations into one team as quickly as possible.

Corporate Media Response: “Depends on the money.”

Chris Matthews: “Didn't I tell you about all this?”

The 2020 presidential election will be held anyway, given its “circus value,” according to expert international analysts, and “keeping the populace happy with regular news.”

Mr. Putin, meanwhile, will eventually move on from Trump Tower to various other locations in the country.

He will rule from newly-built palaces in the style of the Tsar Alexey Mikhailovitch Kolomenskoye Palace in Moscow.

US polling on this development at this time indicates 51% approval of the takeover, 43% opposed , remainder not sure.

Most important, according to Mr. Bloomberg, is that Putin favors keeping the American oligarchy in place, so as not to disturb world commerce too badly.

With the US effectively a Russian colony, MSNBC suggests next steps for Russia will include conquest of Canada and all of South America, including Cuba.

Nothing much will change. Social media activity, newscasts, forums, will continue as usual.

As the proverb says, “Wealth is like hair in the nose: it hurts to be separated whether from a little or a lot.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more