Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 16 May 2018

image for Calculator Stopped Working At Critical Time
Not this one

A calculator which was being used to 'tot up' a list of figures, stopped working at a critical point yesterday, just as the person using it was about to press the '=' sign.

Moys Kenwood, 54, received the 'electronic calculating apparatus' as a Christmas present from his mam and dad in 1971, and described it as:

"The calculator, a Casio HS116 model, was fitted with the numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 0, the addition (+), subtraction (-), multiplication (×), division (÷), decimal point (.), and 'equals' (=) signs, a memory button marked 'M', a memory recall button marked 'MR', the Square Root sign (√), and the percentage (%) sign. The screen was equipped with an 8-digit display. The 'on/off' switch was on the right-hand side of the calculator which had a black face, and a white undercarriage. Its dimensions were about 4 inches high x 3 inches wide, and slightly less than 0.5 inches thick. There was a socket in the left-hand side so that it could be powered from the mains, but this was never used. The calculator required two AA batteries, which could be inserted by opening a plastic 'flap' in the back of the machine. I loved it, and still do."

More than that, he would not say.

Kenwood was using the machine to calculate just how many hours of his life he has spent writing material for this website, but, just as he was about to press the 'equals' (=) button, the screen went blank.

After replacing the calculator's batteries, he started adding again. The results are expected to be available some time next month.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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