The famous table bearing that all time US favorite diplomatic tool "all options are on the table" is showing some signs of strain and decay.
Engineers are busy supplying reinforcements to it, including corner reinforcements and foundational supports.
The table could collapse at any moment due to a plethora of instruments, conditions, warnings, and weapons strewn across it.
Now, additionally, Mr. Pompeo and Mr. Rubio, are about to be loaded onto it.
A table spokesperson has come forward, bowing and stuttering, to apologize over various concerns.
“This administration has been indicating dire emergencies and the need to restore control—I mean democracy—in Venezuela, Nicaragua, Cuba, Mexico, Iran, and and . . .”
“All in the spirit of The Neocon Magic Bus, yes, but the table, frankly, is swamped, littered, confused . . .
“And now this latest with Pompeo and Rubio? Bring those engineers back here!”
With special cranes, as with loading heavy cargo onto transport aircraft, Mr. Pompeo is about to step into the harness.
He is carrying with him a good deal of baggage, and holding a manuscript.
In the next few days, utilizing precise GPS bombing coordinates, Mr. Pompeo will be dropped onto Maduro’s front lawn.
His manuscript reads:
“Welcome, good people of Venezuela, to the US protection program!"
"Recognize our man Juan Guaido as your new ruler! Remember, either you do that or it’s more sanctions! We might close your supermarkets! And put more options on the table!”
Mr. Rubio has scrambled up a ladder onto the table without assistance. However, he has fallen off its rungs twice.
This may be because he is holding photographs of Mr. Gaddafi in his right hand.
Mr. Gaddafi, Libya’s president, was deposed by the US in 2011, with his demise assured by bayonet, known since as “the coup de derriere.”
Table custodians are worried Mr. Rubio’s plans may add to the table's already taxed condition.
He wants to do a little dance on it while singing, “Veni, vidi, vici” (we came, we saw, we conquered).
He will add (“with apologies to Hillary Clinton”) that his personal translation of this classic phrase is:
“We are coming, we are seeing, we are getting to your Maduro muerte especiale, Mr. Ex-President!”
(He has been advised to put aside—for the moment—holding aloft a bayonet at this point.)
Meanwhile, negotiations are proceeding with Mr. Richard Branson, who is suggesting a new Rubio-Guaido concert on the Columbia border.
It could be attended by anywhere from 100,000 to 10,000 to two hundred, including the guarimberos currently assisting Mr. Guaido’s transition.
These guarimberos heroically assisted the US-Guaido cause this past weekend by setting aid trucks on fire with molotov cocktails, then blaming Venezuela security forces.
They will be asked to check their molotov cocktails at the door, while joining Mr. Rubio’s celebratory “veni, vidi, vici” dance on stage.
