With an ego the size of Jupiter, and a constant desire for media attention because he feels insecure with himself, internationally-famous ghost hunter, Jonathan Casey, confessed last Tuesday that his penis is only 4 inches long when fully erect, and that it fails to please his demanding, money-hungry, narcissistic, stupid, controlling, cheating, 'bitch-of-a-girlfriend' every time he tries to make love to her.
The forest itself, which is linked to intense spiritual and paranormal activity, may have been a little bit too much to bargain for, according to the shriveled-up, little 'weener' of a man.
Realizing that constantly saying "Oh, My God!" and "What Was That?" probably wouldn't work in the forest at night while completely alone without cameras, Mr. Casey turned the challenge down.
"I don't go anywhere without my crew," Jonathan stated as his penis suddenly shrunk from 4 inches to 3 inches.
Carpathian Mountains and the Legend of 'Vlad the Impaler' aside, Mr. Casey then resorted to saying that the administrative staff wouldn't support it, as he contemplated the fact that crooked tree growth, spots where vegetation fails to grow, floating orbs, stories about previous researchers who started bleeding internally for no apparent reason, and people mysteriously vanishing, may indicate that there is a 'real' demonic entity that lurks deep inside certain parts of the territory at night.
After his TV Show, Spirit Searchers, was cancelled, Mr. Casey decided to stay with his girlfriend and obey her every order.
He was shortly replaced by Mr. Henry Lancaster, a much braver man who has a professional background in Ghost Hunting, as well as an eight-inch-long penis.
Mr. Lancaster's new show, I Just Pulled My Pants Down In The Middle Of The World's Most Haunted Forest, And What Are You Bitches Going To Do About It? will be airing next Wednesday.