Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 25 July 2018

image for Man To Sue Government Over 'Knackered Lawn'
Les in his garden earlier

The UK heatwave which has been heating and waving for three weeks now, has 'knackered' a man's lawn in Shropshire, it has been alleged.

The man, Les Jonno, says that the unseasonal 'red-hot' temperatures have put paid to decades of diligent, determined and scrupulous botanical work, during which he tended his lawn 'like a flock of lambs'.

Jonno, 52, of Shrewsbury, says he knows where to lay the blame for the shambles:

"It's the government, isn't it? raged Les. "Its failure to act quick enough in taking preventive action has resulted in my lawn dying a death I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and believe me, I have a lot of enemies!"

Les says he'll sue for something-or-other. He hasn't figured out the details yet.

Others' lawns have suffered similar fates. Alice Gibson, 91, from Teignmouth, claims she "actually witnessed" the death of her grass:

"It was awful. I was there! I actually witnessed the death of my grass! It was just SO hot! I could see the lawn was in a great deal of pain, and I swear on all that is holy, that I could hear the individual blades of grass crying out for my help, but there was absolutely nothing I could do. I'm just a crackpot old spinster, you see."

The hotness is showing no obvious signs of letting up, and may even get hotter, depending on whether it gets any cooler or not.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Weather, Grass, Heatwave




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