Elephant in the room sighs and relieves itself over wide expanses in the news studio

Written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 20 November 2018

image for Elephant in the room sighs and relieves itself over wide expanses in the news studio
The animal was comforted with a large Johnny Walker on the rocks and conducted to an animal shelter right after the interview

Mr. Trump’s Tuesday morning response on the murder of Jamal Khashoggi has led to a special interview in Downtown Brown Studios, key rival to CNN.

Downtown Brown’s news anchor Sterling Ballsworthy immediately confirmed the President’s position that business as usual must continue.

The President repeated: “It could very well be that the Crown Prince had knowledge of this event—maybe he did, maybe he didn’t!”

Here the President directly clashed with his own intelligence company, the CIA, which has found that MBS was indeed responsible.

At this point Mr. Ballsworthy rose from his chair and nearly stumbled over a large object rolling toward him.

He also became aware of a humongous elephant in the studio laboring and breathing heavily.

Living up to his first name at “Sterling,” Mr. Ballsworthy then ventured a question in a tremulous, uneasy voice.

“But Mr. Trump should we not, and pardon me pretty please for asking this question, I beg your indulgence, sir, should we not—possibly and tremulously—ask whether the lack of evidence in the Skripal affair—”

“Not the same, not the same, whatever! Excuse me? There were no business deals involved in that one!”

“But, sir, please forgive me—no wish to offend or have my credentials revoked, sir—but sanctions there, etc. versus looking the other way here—”

By now, the extremely large elephant in the room was trembling, a tear in its eye.

“Outrageous, outrageous, what you news people do with your fake news! We need jobs in this country so people can pay their bills and eat dinner at night! That's my excuse! No no no. Not excuse--I mean my reasoning!”

The elephant was now pacing, ears flapping. It stamped its right front foot.

“So, sir, there is no moral consideration here?”

The elephant bellowed.

“Moral, schmoral. This is business and government. Got it?”

“But, indeed, sir, some Americans believe we should do what is right, not cooperate with thugs and murderers—”

“My God, man, you are as hopeless as all these other so-called reporters. Well, you won’t be coming to my press conferences!”

“And criminal wars . . .”

Sterling Ballsworthy was looking around for a shovel as Mr. Trump continued.

“I hope you’re listening to me! The Crown Prince told me he had nothing to do with it. So whether he ordered it or not he deserves the shadow of a doubt I’m giving him! Got it?”

The elephant trumpeted again while releasing a flock of discharge like cannon balls that scattered across the studio deck.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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