Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 9 November 2018

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O'Connor (archive)

Sinéad O'Connor, the controversial and attention-seeking Irish singer, who has converted to Islam, and said that she no longer wants to live amongst white people 'as long as she lives', has been told to go and fuck herself by Muslims.

O'Connor - who will now, probably choose a new, Islamic-sounding name, like Cat Stevens did - made her astonishing comments earlier this week, confident that followers of Islam would be pleased that a haggard-looking, former Roman Catholic crooner with attitude problems, and ideas above her female station, had joined their faith.

It looks, however, as if she may have misjudged them, somewhat.

All across the Arab world, there was anger.

In Luton, a mob gathered around the town hall, demanding that, if she were to be accepted at all, O'Connor be made to wear a full burka as well as having a giant, black polythene bin-liner placed over her head.

One man, clearly furious, called for her to be stoned, but others laughed that she already was.

And in Bradford, men walked around a mosque, endlessly praying that O'Connor would come to her senses, and grow up.

At another mosque in Blackburn, Lancashire, prayers were interrupted, and a fatwa was mentioned, but calm was restored by the imam, who soberly told those gathered that:

"It's probably just a publicity stunt for her new CD."

In Riyadh, demonstrators burned effigies of the wrinkled-up Irish oddity, and shouted slogans, like:

"NOTHING-COMPARES-TO-YOU, YOU-FUCKING-INFIDEL-MORON!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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