News just reaching us in the last few minutes is that a dirty, great big boil has been discovered on a man's arse, and may need lancing by a qualified medical professional. The boil sprang up on the arse of Moys Kenwood, 57, on Sunday morning, and…
It's been reported that a man who woke this morning to a quite severe twinge of pain in his back, must have hurt himself doing something yesterday. The incident happened without prior warning when Moys Kenwood, 57, heaved himself out of his bed at...
A woman has been seriously hurt after she squeezed an enormous zit in her bathroom, it's been reported. The woman, 23-year-old Janice Robson, told her friends on Facebook that she had been bothered by the unsightly ball of yellow pus on her chin f...
A man who was exhausted after a hard day at work, has revealed details of how he was made to sit on the bare wooden boards of a rickety, old trailer attached to the back of his wife's motorbike, and driven 13 miles home, causing distress to his back...
Izal medicated toilet tissue? Don't make me laugh. If you don't remember it, you are lucky. This shiny, waterproof, abrasive product was routinely found in workplaces, hospitals, school toilets and public conveniences, probably intending to discou...
A man in a pub admitted to his closest friend, last night, that his groin was giving him 'gyp'. The man told me about the problem in all confidence, and asked me not to breathe a word to anyone, and he meant ANYONE! "Don't breathe a word to any...
A pleasant afternoon cycling through country lanes turned sour for one man at the weekend, when, coming to a slight incline in the road, and rising out of his seat to exert extra force with his legs, his chain came off, and he plunged earthwards, bef...
A man's testicles are special; they're delicate, and when, as sometimes happens, a man decides he wants rid of the lion's mane of pubus stragglia around his cock and balls, he either does it himself, or allocates the task to someone he trusts implici...
A man has revealed how a night out with friends ended in agony and a hospital visit, after he carelessly got his cock trapped in his zip. Alan Smith, 28, had been breaking drinking records with his mates in pubs around downtown New York, and, as l...
A man in the Cambodian second-city of Battambang was in agony on Saturday evening after he stubbed his toe. The incident happened around 10:13pm as Moys Kenwood watched the World Cup match between France and Argentina. Excited after the second Fre...
Fresh out of the beauty clinics of Hollywood is the latest beauty treatment that guarantees to tighten facial skin better than botox, put a spring in the step and reverse the visible signs of aging, including erectile dysfunction. "This really is...
Nottingham's Senior Citizen Bartholomew Utterswaithe's, was heard in his bedroom this morning. The verbal sounds that emanated from that room, were weird, hard to describe and lasted for a good two minutes or so. I will attempt here to reproduce them in written form, for I would like to know exactly what it was he was doing, and thought someone might be able to inform me. I, incidentally...
A local man converted to Christianity this morning following an accident in his sitting room. Mr Ethelred Verbatim says the incident happened around 6.45am as he was preparing to go to work. "I nipped into the sitting room to put the telly on t...
I awoke on the Sunday morning, momentarily forgetting about my forfeit. I had lost a bet with my wife on the subject of pain. My wife decided over the course of a week, I would discover the pain women put up with every day. The previous day's shopping trip came back to me as I rolled over to get five more minutes, only to get my thumb caught in some lacy contraption I had gone to sleep in. As I...
New for 2012, executive Pain Relief. Are you suffering from a pain in the neck or a pain in the backside? Let us help you. Here at Ass Ass In Pain we can sort that pain out for you. You don't need to suffer. We can sort out those persistent pains that trouble you every day, or even that one big pain in the backside that hits you just once. For a one off payment of £5,000 we will rem...
Scientists from University College London released a report yesterday that supported the claim that a simple crossing of arms in front of the midsection dramatically reduces the feeling of pain. Supposedly blocking some signals to the brain, the c...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, is reported to be on the mend following a traumatic injury sustained upon his 'undercarriage' and believed to have been initiated by a trapped hair follicle in a place nobody in their right mind would ever want to go.
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