The news media like to keep us in crises. There is a crisis for everyone, it seems. Here are a few of the crises in which you, right now, may well be involved (even if you didn't know it): Water crisis Fentanyl crisis Heroin crisis Suez crisis...
Callum Smedley, 49, from East Cheam, yesterday became the first person to crawl around the world. It has taken the bricklayer twenty-six years and ninety-three days to complete the astonishing feat, during which he claims to have worn out 84 pairs of...
RAQQA, SYRIA - "Who'd have thought?" Jihadi John muttered to himself "that it'd end up like this." In the end it hadn't been a drone that had brought the man known only as Jihadi John, from West London but joined the so-called Islamic State in 2012,...
With all the new cuddly pandas springing up in zoos and in the wild, people are wondering what they taste like. So at the Duon Gevafuk restaurant in Mainland China, they have begun conjuring recipes and sauces to commemorate this special occasion.
Amid a whirlwind of allegations against FIFA, the world football authority, its Secretary-General received a rare piece of good news. In a private ceremony held earlier today, Sepp Blatter was awarded the 2015 Nobel Prize for Obliviousness. The a...
Bumblephuck, U.S. (FoxNews) - Despite the deluge of media coverage on the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370, most Americans still can't find Malaysia on a map of the world. Studies conducted over many years before the jet went missi...
Terry Spasm, a 102 year old man from the Little Divot area, has failed in his attempt to become World Snooker Champion after losing in the final of snooker's most prestigious event. Wrinkly bodied Mr. Spasm made his audacious attempt despite havin...
Bobby Geldorf has announced plans for a worldwide fund raiser for the world. Following the loss of trillions and trillions of pounds, presumably to aliens or by sheer carelessness, Sir Bobby aims to raise awareness of the worldwide recession. S...
Recently, a reporter for the Financial Times of London received a lot of criticism for suggesting that some sort of world government is needed to really solve the problem of global climate change. This reporter was commissioned to conduct a survey of public opinion on the topic of world government. The first person interviewed was John Q. Public, from the United States. Ken: John, how do y...
It would seem that today, countries cannot afford to be countries in their own right. Greece needs bailing out of a financial crisis. The Afghan president and ten ministers will be telling members of the US Congress that they need billions of doll...
Otis Barleyhop, of Dunwhingeing, deep in the Australian outback, reputed to be the world's craziest recovering alcoholic did indeed fall off the wagon last night. In spectacular fashion. Barleyhop, (42) of Hisspead Drongo road went to to the d...
Carson City, NV: It's been said that you can pick your friends and that you can pick your nose-- but that you can't pick your friend's nose. Charlie Shitter, Man with the World's Longest Pinkie Fingernail, begs to differ. Shitter, whose fingern...
Police this morning executed dawn raids on several writers for satirical website theSpoof.com following the discovery of the world's largest crop circle penis in a barley field in Oxfordshire. So far, no arrests have been made. The enormous crop c...
"The entire planet will be governed by Sharia Law by the year 2015," according to garden centre worker Ted Newby of Stourbridge. "And what's wrong with that? Sounds like a bit of a laugh to me." At which point we withdrew, fearing that Newby didn'...
The man who sold the world, immortalised by eccentric English star David Bowie in a song and an album, today changed his mind, and put the world up for rent. Speaking from his stair, he spoke of was and when. 'Who knows?, he said, 'not me, I never lost control', and as this journalist was face to face with him, I asked him if he had any plans to try and sell the world again in the future. His a...
Many American families tune in every year to catch the Eurovision Song Contest, that slightly quirky musical competition held in Europe. Well the 2009 contest is set to be the last, as the organizers have unveiled ambitious plans for a massive new w...
A homeless man, who has been living on the streets for the past 25 years, has used the only money he has to buy a miniature universe which he intends to mold in his 'own image'.
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