Nazi Technology under Consideration for Modern Application

Funny story written by Andrew Lafleche

Monday, 16 November 2015

PARIS - In response to the atrocities which unfolded in Paris this weekend, the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) have deployed UN sanctioned engineers to Oswiecim, Poland, to conduct analysis on the functionality of the Auschwitz-Birkenau State Museum.

The Auschwitz-Birkenau State Museum is the location of the former German concentration camps Auschwitz I & II-Birkenau, and now serves as the memorial site tasked to preserve the memory of the murders which occurred during the Second World War.

In 1979, both concentration camps were acquired by the World Cultural Heritage which is managed by the international World Heritage Programme operated by the UNESCO World Heritage Committee.

In a transcript acquired by The Associated Press documenting the private assembly of the 21 UNESCO board members held earlier today parallels were drawn between the Nazi perceived Jewish Problem and the Global Islamist Issue.

"Albeit excessive," one of the board members is recorded to have said, "The Nazi's were very efficient with the task they were presented."

"The Global Islamist Issue is the new German Jewish Problem," another representative stated.

Several of the board members argued against this statement, reminding the group that the Jews of Germany may have been a nuisance, but never behaved violently.

"There is nothing so destructive that these people [Islamists] will not do," one member said. "We were confronted with it on September 11th, we've continued to see it across the globe, and it's escalated once again."

The members ultimately agreed the concentration camps were technology employed ahead of their time.

"It's like Sony introducing their digital music player ahead of iPod. The right idea at the wrong time is the wrong idea," one member stated. "However, there is nothing more powerful than an idea that's time has come."

Against an enemy whose only limit to destruction is the technology available to them, consideration to even the most ruthless options must be explored.

In a press released Saturday, UNESCO Director-General, Irina Bokova said "At a time when UNESCO and the United Nations, founded in the aftermath of World War II, celebrate their 70th anniversary, this crime reveals new and horrible forms of a violence that knows no borders and can strike anywhere. This resurgence of hate calls for a new response based on great unity to reinforce our affirmation of the values of peace, dialogue and compassion, and to stand up to barbarism."

The UN engineers are expected to deliver their functionality report to the UN Security Council in early December.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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