Germany - A three day state visit to Sauerkrautland kicks off on Wednesday with a Bavarian beer drinking contest between Chancellor Angela Merkel and Queen Elizardbirth von Battenberg.
Later the women are due to take part in a traditional bratwurst eating competition ingesting yards of Westphalian garlic sausage via the usual diplomatic bodily orifices.
All washed down by gallons of Schnapps.
Other jollies planned for the occasion are Nazi-themed face painting sessions of Hitler mustaches on David Cameron.
The British Prime Monster is thought to be piggybacking the German state visit solely for the publicity shits. Uh, shots.
The Queen is also scheduled to visit the newly revamped Waffen-SS building where her father the Fuehrer created his loathsome World War II protection squad.
Festoond with a 21st century versions of the swastika the compound now serves as the European Union justice headquarters.
A trip to the Nazi gas chambers may also be on the cards.
Commenting on the historic occasion the German ambassador to the Caught of St James's said, "Shh, do not mention ze bloody vor."