Windsore Castle - An organic composting lavatory serving the Queen's private quarters had to be sluiced down with carbolic today after Her Majesty accidentally dropped her diamond tiara down its fathomless bottom.
It was her 89th birthday, a courtier said, and 'losing it' in the composting shitter really fucked up her day.
Flunkies fought for half an hour trying to free the Queen from the bog's depths as she foraged frantically inside the royal effluvium (WTF dat, poo? Ed) trying to retrieve the priceless Von Richtofen Tiara, a wedding gift from Goebbels.
The 1796 toilet was reputedly designed by royal landscape artist Capability Brown responding to King George the Turd's request to create a natural contraption for emptying the royal bowel.
A rose-embellished companion toilet bowl, encrusted with rubies and lapis lazuli, was installed for Queen Victoria at Buckingham Palace where it is still in use to this day - mainly by Prince Charles and various corgis.
Its contents regularly empty in the Palace's composting dumpster that turns royal crap into fertiliser.
Half a ton of House of Windsor macrobiotic manure will spread on the royal flower beds tomorrow, hopefully any dead corgis and/or priceless jewellery will have been removed.
Prince Philip's steam-driven combine harvester is fueled by mice.
