Written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 5 May 2015

image for So old and gaga there's mothballs up her fanny
Moths? One's glued to the cuckoo's nest

London - "In addition to destroying insects such as moths and silverfish," the Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon explained, "royal mothballs make useful stovepipe cleaners and snake repellants."

The remarks come amid reports that Britain's Queen Elizardbirth is now officially as old as Galapagos Islands tortoise Gorgeous George.

And roughly twice as scaly.

This morning as she stepped out of a liveried Palace Roller flunkies were amazed to see an adult Tineola bisselliella or common webbing clothes moth come tumbling out of HM's cashmere knickers.

Also known as a fungus moth the little varmint infests cold dank shrivelly nooks and crannies, especially during Royal Ascot Week.

Last year poor old Shaikh Hamdan of the UAE had the bad luck to accompany Her Maj in a closed carriage ride round Tattenham Corner.

The experience shrivelled him considerably.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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