Beijing, China - Vast crude reserves beneath Mount Everest are being harvested by the head of Tibetan Buddhism's hydraulic fracturing operations triggering earthquakes and aftershocks.
According to the Beijing-based Who Flung Dung investigative tabloid's lead article Jetsun Jamphel Ngawang Lobsang Yeshe Tenzin Gyatso, current and 14th Dalai Llama (sic), is making huge tremors with his 24/7 fracks.
And some of them probably caused this weekend's rattler which flattened huge swathes of Kathmandu.
Mr Llama is the region's richest oil and gas tycoon; last year the authoritative Chinese That'sRich! List placed him in the top three of Asian moguls according to confirmed crude reserves.
He's widely suspected of being behind the battalions of high tech drills burrowing underneath Mt Everest before siphoning off its sweet dark spoils.
A barrel of Llama Marker Crude is currently trading at $50, considerably cheaper than Saudi shit.