In a stunning development that bodes well for world peace as we approach this Christmas time, world famous football team Manchester United has revealed a recruiting drive aimed at Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, head of ISIS.
A representative of Manchester United recently traveled to Mosul to meet the ISIS leader in his nightclub The Burqa al-Ablah, where he checks balance sheets on his businesses and plans the future.
It is little known that al-Baghdadi was once the star soccer player of his mosque, and generally admired for quiet intellectual tendencies.
For example, he was reported not only interested in football but writing the equivalent of Ulysses for the middle east.
Of course by now he is notorious for leading the marauding forces of ISIS against Shia and US interests in the region.
In so doing he has compiled a personal fortune as well as led ISIS toward massive revenues in stolen oil.
By now ISIS not only considers itself a new territory named Syraq, but is thinking about coining its own money and seeking entry to The United Nations.
Through intrepid reporting on this site it is also known Mr. al-Baghdadi once starred in an off-Broadway production of Death of a Salesman and lived in the Bronx.
Manchester United is reported interested in adding "color" to its squad via notorious and dexterous members able to score goals.
The representative of Manchester United who traveled into Iraq insisted on anonymity.
He took the precaution of traveling to the Mosul nightclub disguised as a female clad head to foot with only a tiny aperture at eye level through which he could peer occasionally to find his bearings.
He said his only moment of concern came when guards at the nightclub ordered him to get on the stage to do a pole dance.
But Mr. al-Baghdadi rescued him at the pole, taking him by the hand off-stage for sets of Johnny Walker to one side.
It was here the ISIS leader showed excitement at the possibility of joining Manchester United.
Negotiations are currently ongoing and both parties have started "working with the details" in the prospects.
That the representative of Manchester United disappeared on the road back to Baghdad following this episode is considered "a minor nuisance" at this time.