Written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 6 November 2014

image for ISIS expands oil business to include gas stations with cafes plus religious services at the barbecue out back
Mr al-Baghdadi typically fans himself with currency

Current reports indicate ISIS is not only looking for managers for its oil refineries, with a $225,000 annual salary, but also establishing a chain of gas stations across the middle east.

The name CALron is being considered, inspired by Chevron, and reflecting the presence of caliphate as part of the appeal.

Capturing the Sha'ar refinery in central Syria earlier this week shows ISIS oil business can bounce back from losses via US air strikes. Estimates for ISIS profits continue at 1 to 2 million dollars per day in black market business.

ISIS business is particularly brisk in Iraq at Mosul, Kirkuk, Irbil, and even parts of Baghdad. Ten to twelve dollars a barrel for crude is attractive to middle men passing on the product at 25 to 30 dollars a barrel. The standard price for a barrel of crude is 80 to 90 dollars.

The new CALron chain in Syria and Iraq will expand its merchandise beyond gas and diesel to food and: "A place to take a break from your busy day!"

Near the main counter these stores will also sell dolls portraying religious figures, an imitation Bic lighter, plus doughnuts.

According to a spokesperson, "We like the idea of café plus we're developing roving imams to visit and hold services out back around a barbecue."

A State Department spokesperson for Mr. Kerry (requesting anonymity) said this ISIS gas station idea assists other US programs, such as the current glut of oil available to the globe, which has driven down prices.

This glut program is primarily aimed at Russia as economic warfare, not relief for Mr. or Ms. Average American.

So this new ISIS venture should help bring gas prices down even further, but the West's Oil Industries are not yet worried, especially with the Christmas season approaching.

"Not only that," this State Department spokesperson added, "ISIS seems to be moving toward becoming a money-loving State, as with capitalism here in the US."

ISIS mastermind Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, Chief Executive of the newly emerged ISIS Oil Industries, is reported approaching his first billion, and intrigued with further prospects.

Amazon reports he's been looking at biographical material and studies on how the Koch brothers amassed their wealth.

He was spotted recently at several resorts in the Mediterranean pricing yachts and mansions with acreage and sea views.

Also, he has updated his garage with Rolls Royce and Mercedes products and is looking to expand his maid and butler services.

Gurkha Cigar Factory, which makes the most expensive cigar in the world (favored by Bill Clinton) at $1,000 per lengthy, fully packed item, says Mr. al-Baghdadi has recently placed a "hefty order" via the internet and Speedee Delivery.

Asked to comment, Mr. al-Baghdadi replied, "A gambling casino chain is possible. Plus motels. The tourist industry . . . Ahh, yes."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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