Written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 30 October 2014

image for Turkey answers Cantlie video with new hostage reporter on the Kobani border
Peshmerga hostesses looking for Erik Prince offices in Kobani

The startling John Cantlie video from Kobani just posted by ISIS has been answered from across the border in Turkey by a new video featuring a reporter named Clarence Willnotlie.

Analysts suspect this new "reporter" may not be a hostage under any kind of threat. They also say he looks familiar from other middle eastern contexts.

But the Turks claim he is their hostage, snatched from within the bowels of ISIS, and speaking with equal authority to the Cantlie presentation of two days ago.

That Cantlie video, asserting confidently that Kobani has fallen to ISIS, has been withdrawn. But Cantlie as hostage is thought to have been under duress for propaganda purposes.

In contrast Mr. Willnotlie asserts several times that despite being a hostage he is "strictly factual."

Mr. Willnotlie states not only have Peshmerga fighters been allowed through Turkey to join the defense of Kobani, but, further, new US airdrops of "Peshmerga hostesses," arranged by John Kerry, have not so far fallen into the hands of ISIS.

As he speaks, Mr. Willnotlie, wearing black, is shown striding around beside a tent, out of which on three occasions the eyeball of President Erdogan can be seen glaring toward Kobani.

The newly arriving Peshmerga warriors have been forced to kneel before President Erdogan and swear they will depart the region as soon as possible after beating back ISIS.

They also swore they had no long range interest in helping the Kurds establish an independent buffer zone along the border.

Peshmerga hostesses, dropped on the town by American air power, were not available as to their future plans. But rumors indicate they are seeking military training from female Peshmerga forces already present in Kobani, and thinking about applying to Blackwater.

Mr. Willnotlie also quotes a statement from Mr. Kerry and the US State Department, under Section 5983EZ of the "Don't Do Stupid Sh*t" policy.

That is, that Turkey and the US view ISIS as the most useful enemy against Assad only if its caliphate can be restrained to a reasonably sized area.

Ceding a certain amount of territory for that purpose in what is now called Syraq is under study by a Turkey-US secret committee and could be negotiated.

This development is considered hopeful toward repairing US-Turkey relations by the UN, which have been strained because Turkey has not wanted to help Kobani defend itself, and this failure has made the US look bad.

However, ISIS must be reasonable in restraining its appetite for territory, weapons, and beheadings. Plus of course it would have no rights to gas and oil resources in that prescribed area.

The video ends, "This is Clarence Willnotlie at the Kobani border signing off."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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