Wal-Mart Workers Must Pay Higher Taxes For War

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Saturday, 27 September 2014

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Senate and Congressional candidates held a joint news conference today where they warned that ISIS and other terrorists would soon cross the border with Mexico. "We'll all be murdered in our beds, " said Republican candidate for the N.H. senate seat, Scott Brown.

"If it takes 5 trillion dollars to complete the fence and have a DHS agent every 300 feet with a drone overhead we should do it," Brown said.

Together 7 GOP candidates listed the following groups as likely to soon attack the U.S.: al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula, (AQAP) in Yemen, Jabhat al-Nusra in Syria, al Shabaab in Somalia, Old Guard al Qaeda, Islamic Maghreb (AQIM), Ansar al Sharia in Tunisia (AAS-T),Ansar al Sharia in Libya (AAS-L), al Murabitun in the Sahel, Boko Haram in Nigeria, al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula (AQAP), al Qaeda in the Islamic Maghreb splinter groups, ISIS, and the recently publicly discovered, and bombed by the U.S. in Syria, the Khorasan group, and 167 other terrorist groups.

When Gwen Ifill of PBS news asked if we shouldn't ask ourselves if The U.S. invasion of Iraq hadn't destabilized the Middle East and anger at the us for civilian drone killings in the Middle East and Africa hadn't created and gained recruits for new terrorist groups, John "Bull" Conners, running for S.C.'s 5th C.D. answered.

"Don't matter, little black lady. What's done's done. We have to exterminate all of the people in these terrorist groups and the new ones that our bombing creates. We don't have enough military to do that. This means more cuts in Medicare, Social Security, clean water, education, and the TSA."

Ted Cruz, who was attending the news conference agreed and added thoughts of his own.

"We can't tax the job creators so we need to tax working people to pay for an increased war budget. We just can't put it on the credit card the way Bush did for the Iraq War and the Congress recently did when it voted to support the 'moderates' in Syria. So it's time for Wal-Mart workers to step up to the plate," said the Senator from Texas.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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