BILLINGSGATE POST: After watching President Biden getting a little too friendly with one of the turkeys he pardoned before Thanksgiving, Elmer Smuckmeister, no stranger to his own sheep, admonished Joe Biden: “Don’t do it, Joe. Those rascals will…
Three fascist dictators gathered in Iran. They were an Iranian, a Russian and a Turk. I feel a joke approaching. The Russian said he was the best dictator (or dick, I don’t want to type all those letters; I’m such a literary dick) of them all sinc…
The request for Germany's military assistance was a pipe-dream mistake created by a Russian subordinate's intern who had a sense of humor. (And who has since fallen out of a 6th story window.) Syria claims that they are fresh out of extra killin…
Quaker Press: A mail carrier in Albuquerque, New Mexico has been accused of fowl play after going postal on a wild turkey named Tommy. The bird apparently accosted the letter carrier Monday, and started to interact with his leg, prompting him to g…
BOSTON – (Satire News) – The governor of Massachusetts, Charlie Baker is catching hell over his decision to cancel Thanksgiving. He told Boom Boom News that he decided to cancel the traditional holiday, due to the increasing number of citizens in…
PARIS – (Satire News) - French President Emmanuel “Macaroni” Macron has just sent the pride and joy of the French navy towards Turkey. The FS Brigitte Bardot should arrive in a few days. Macron said that the purpose for the voyage is to collect th…
The video of from President Trump forgiving one well-fed turkey on the White House lawns went viral. Trump marked the occasion with a speech saying that forgiving turkeys would make America great. The recipients of the Great Presidential Pardon were...
In gratitude for the Thanksgiving Day feast prepared by her mother and extended family, Carrie Grace Martin of Nashville, Tennessee, bowed her head in prayer, thanked the centerpiece stuffed turkey for his/her sacrifice, and reflected to herself that...
Who killed the Saudi messenger, Jamal Khashoggi? Visiting the Saudi Consulate in Istanbul, Jamal was a Washington Post columnist and resident of the United States. “No one knows where exactly it happened, when it happened, or how. There were no w...
Mindful of the importance of Saudi Arabia’s economic influence, Mr. Trump has chosen to support the Saudi Regime’s explanations. At stake are munitions sales for the war in Yemen plus control of oil prices, particularly important now due to animos...
Two warring factions in Turkey have both decided to use the brutal maiming of a helpless puppy to further their political agendas during the forthcoming elections. The tiny helpless pup with huge sad eyes practically handed itself to spindoctors o...
Clearly feeling the heat as he approached his looming slaughter at the age of six weeks, a bloated five-week-old teenage turkey desperately attempted to talk up the appeal of "mock meats" like the widely popular soy-based Tofurky. "Mmmm, Tofurky!"...
As just about all educated people know, turkeys are among the smartest animals on the planet, perhaps in the galaxy. If they were mammals instead of birds, they would, in fact, be the smartest animals on the planet. (For some reason, known only to theoretical physicists, bird neural DNA seems to suffer from "leakage," also known as accelerated entropic seasoning syndrome. Because this is a hig...
Holland has forbidden Turks living in their country to protest about hygiene in their kebab, fast food outlets. It seems the Dutch authorities have discovered certain short-comings in high Dutch hygiene standards and many Turkish say, "this is normal...
Russian mafia boss Vladimir Putin has today declared that he is going to "fix" Turkey and Russia's relationship. He made the statement from a balcony overlooking thousands of Moscovites....Moscowellians....people in Moscow queuing up for a loaf of br...
The imbroglio between Russia and Turkey over shooting down a Russian warplane and ISIS oil trade through Turkey has led to a decisive confrontation in downtown Baghdad. The meeting took place at a nightclub which translates to "Club Unspeakable" (...
Reports are emerging that Mr. Obama has been busy in his off hours in White House recreation rooms producing and directing the "Turkey is no turkey!" Christmas ballet. The upcoming ballet is designed for conviviality, joy, getting White House duck...
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