Vladimir Putin: Mission Accomplished

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

image for Vladimir Putin: Mission Accomplished

Unlike President Bush, President Vladimir Putin did not fly in a navy jet, land on an aircraft carrier and announce: Mission Accomplished! Instead, Mr. Putin sailed on a white cabin cruiser (that looked more oligarch than Russian Navy) into the Crimean port of Sevastopol, stood on the deck and commemorated the anniversary of the defeat of Nazi Germany and the return of Crimea to the motherland.

Like Angela Merkel had to be reminded of Nazi history. But she did vote to kick Russia out of the G8, so there you are.

Seems Ukraine wanted to stretch its wings toward the west and negotiated and accepted a loan from the European Union. Vladimir Putin stopped wrestling with a shark and said, "They want to do what?"

After taking a selfie, Putin stepped to the plate and offered to provide the loan instead.

The Ukrainian people said: Thanks, but no thanks, although the president of Ukraine, Viktor Yanukovych, quickly sided with Putin, announcing, "We'll take the loan from Putin and Russia instead. Thank you very much."

So, the Arab Spring, (Thank you very much, President Obama.) exploded once again, this time in the Ukraine.

The Ukrainians started a revolution. With revolutionist marching up the driveway, Viktor Yanukovych skipped town fast in his gold plated get-away-car, crossing the border to Russia, greeting his new landlord Vladimir Putin, leaving an estate that included his own private golf course, a restaurant, gold bathroom fixtures, man made lake deep enough to float a galleon, private petting zoo, a collection of automobiles, etc; the usual cache left by a fleeing head of state.

Like Putin needed another David Snowden as a Russian guest. Will Moshe Mubarack be next? O. J. Simpson might be getting out of jail some day.

Besides providing hotel service, Putin has done enormously well for himself. From a modest background, (father a conscript in the Soviet Navy, mother a factory worker) Putin held various bureaucratic positions, spent sixteen years as head of the KGB, and Bingo, today is said to be worth $70 billion dollars. Halleluiah!

The money mission has definitely been accomplished.

Read more by this author:

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more