Bundy offers militias to rescue Nigerian girls and help out in Ukraine or wherever more cowboy forces are needed

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Wednesday, 7 May 2014


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Supporters indicate anything federal or commie immediately gets their dander up

Notorious for his defiance of laws requiring tax for grazing cattle on federal lands, Mr. Cliven Bundy has advanced rapidly toward leadership in world affairs.

Mr. Bundy is now offering to help United States military operations in special circumstances, such as the kidnapping of 230 girls in Nigeria.

He claims a rescue brigade is needed, and that if US military forces will supply the transportation he will move his Nevada militias onto the scene and get the girls out of their predicament pronto.

Besides, according to a witness on Mr. Bundy's view of this issue, he sees how these young females can be re-directed as part of their rescue.

"Hell, we can use wives over here. Lot of my supporters are tired of uppity American women as it is."

Asked how his view contrasts with Boko Harum's notions that females should be uneducated, not allowed to drive, and required to be home workers serving males, Mr. Bundy paused then delivered this thoughtful response:

"Well, that is your basic keep 'em barefoot and pregnant philosophy, which our colleagues in Texas favor. Not here. We don't take risks with the delicate female foot."

As to whether the females being Africans ethnically, or brown people and not white, is a concern, the view from the Bundy office is favorable. He and his fellow ranchers would observe a proper work ethic and conditions, as with pre-Civil War America, to keep them happy.

Also important to Mr. Bundy's offer is his willingness to provide armed and competent Nevada militias for the fray in Ukraine.

These fighters are not mercenaries, it should be pointed out, because they do their work for no pay whatever. Their motivation is the cause, not making a profit.

That is, again in the words of Mr. Bundy's representative, "Them no-good commie bastards need a good ass-kicking, and always have."

As with Syria, again according to this report on Bundy's thinking, joining with former enemies against the currently less popular enemy would be right in line with existing US strategy.

If we support al qaeda in Syria why not neo-Nazis in Ukraine?

Bundy and his militias have given hard thought to this knotty conundrum to conclude inconsistencies are not important when it comes to handing out a good drubbing to the enemy of the moment.

Members of Bundy's militias were also interviewed and indicated they didn't like sitting around or thinking too much about problems.

They compared themselves to waving a red flag at the bull. Anything federal or commie immediately gets their dander up.

Additionally, the idea of rescuing a bunch of girls is noble, and might get these females' appreciation. This could be important because not that many local Nevada women have shown favor for their efforts in defending Mr. Bundy.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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