Putin Puts Fox News, Tea Party On Payroll

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Tuesday, 29 April 2014

image for Putin Puts Fox News, Tea Party On Payroll

Conspiracy theories abound in the U.S.: The government caused 9/11, the FBI killed MLK, the CIA assassinated Lee Harvey Oswald, and so on. I think there's no truth in any of it. So, reporting on any supposed conspiracy is difficult for me.

Yet facts are facts. This paper has uncovered a plot to foment revolution in the United States by Russian ruler Vladimir Putin. On his payroll are certain reporters for Fox News; radical right legislators in Congress and state legislatures; and right-wing "militiamen." They are all paid circuitously and none knows where the money originates.

A KGB turncoat has revealed that Putin and his inner circle believe that growing income inequality, increasing hunger, the death of the middle class, rise in numbers of the poor, and increasing hatred of government make the U.S. ripe for revolution.

Turning to the violent right on the Kremlin payroll, we see the right-wing militiamen, who wanted to put women in children in front of the armed standoff with the police at the Bundy ranch, and who sought to have TV showing government law enforcement shooting them. It is part of Putin's plan to provoke police into violent over-reaction to confrontational events in the U.S. and foment police hatred, now mostly confined to Blacks, Latinos and some working class Whites.

In terms of state legislatures, there has been a slew of far-right legislation cutting benefits for working people, denying Medicaid coverage to millions of low-income people, eliminating protections against racial discrimination in the criminal justice system, cutting back on voting rights for Blacks - all while cutting taxes for corporations and the wealthy.

Of course this increase in misery and racial tensions, which Putin sees as fomenting revolution, has been the result too of the corporate Tea Party right in Congress cutting back on food stamps, unemployment benefits, housing subsidies, and help for the aged and needy as the ranks of the poor are swelling.

Finally, Fox News commentators like Sean Hannidy and Bill O'Reilly get huge salaries from their boss, Rupert Murdoch, who is actually a KGB agent. These news hosts who support a "misery agenda" and government-hating anarchists like cattleman Bundy and his supporters are, then, Putin stooges.

I think Putin is wrong. The American people are so cynical about government it's hard to think that they would get worked up to change it when they don't think it can work. Debt-laden, depressed students who will go back home after college aren't going to do anything but search for part-time low paying no benefits jobs.

There will be no Putin backed revolution. But the new revelations from the KGB turncoat about Putin using the U.S. extreme right are indeed astonishing!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more