Kerry gives Russia until Monday to withdraw from Crimea, agree to the Victoria Nuland plan, and give up cabbage soup

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Friday, 14 March 2014

image for Kerry gives Russia until Monday to withdraw from Crimea, agree to the Victoria Nuland plan, and give up cabbage soup
Mr. Yanukovich's hound will make a statement on this latest development shortly

A representative of Secretary of State Mr. John Kerry has emphasized that a "Serious series of severe situations has brought Mr. Kerry to the conclusion Russia must go. By Monday."

Further, Mr. Putin has badly underestimated the intentions of the US, in concert with the EU and NATO, to dispose Ukraine to the West instead of toward Russia.

The hard work of Ms. Victoria Nuland, in concert with US ambassador to Ukraine Mr. Geoffrey Pyatt, some weeks ago was essential and should not be ignored.

Ms. Nuland and Mr. Pyatt agreed that the right kind of minister for Ukraine to serve western interests was Mr. Arseniy "Rats" Yatsenyuk while vigorously rejecting the EU choice for the position.

All this development by the US state department, with Mr. Kerry fully informed and backing every move, was also instrumental in the protests leading to the ouster of the previous leader of Ukraine, Mr. Victor Yanukovich, who ran before mobs could get at him.

In the melee triggered by all this diplomatic maneuvering 100 people lost their lives, from unknown snipers who fired indiscriminately at protesters, whether for or against Yanukovich.

These snipers could have emerged from any number of groups, including the neo-Nazi Svoboda party, now with several seats in Mr. Yatsenyuk's new government, marauding gangs from Russia, or other assorted intelligence forces. An investigation is pending.

Meanwhile, Mr. Yatsenyuk had a warm and convivial meeting with President Obama yesterday at the White House to indicate how pleased Western allies are with his selection to take over for American and European interests.

Of course, appointment of this new government by the US cannot be confirmed until the May referendum, and there is more work to be done. Thus changes in the language laws against use of the Russian language cannot be instituted quite yet.

Therefore, Mr. Kerry's representative reiterated, in view of all this groundwork from the West to align Ukraine properly for democracy and trade developments, it is imperative that Mr. Putin and the Russians back off immediately.

Accordingly the Monday ultimatum.

Mr. Kerry's office further reminds that, in its position of leadership here, US wishes must be respected or else.

US actions in Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, and Syria indicate how seriously severe the US is in seeking sanctions and simultaneous situations leading to proper reform of the Ukraine.

Therefore, Mr. Putin should immediately tell Crimea to cancel the Sunday referendum, withdraw all troops from Ukraine and Crimea, and go home on Sunday to a quiet afternoon of watching RT.

And, contrary to earlier sentiments, cabbage soup will be permitted as long as consumed quietly and cooperatively.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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