Pope Francis Says He'll Allow Same-Sex Marriages But Only If The Couple Donates $1,000 To The Church

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 17 March 2014

Hey!

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Pope Francis Says He'll Allow Same-Sex Marriages But Only If The Couple Donates $1,000 To The Church
The pope said that the donation can be made with cash, check, or VISA card.

VATICAN CITY - Italy's El Vino News Agency is reporting that Pope Francis in an effort to reach a type of middle ground has made a new ruling on the same-sex marriage controversy.

The pope speaking in the parking lot of a local Pompous Pizza Parlor told the assembled crowd of pizza patrons, reporters, and wine factory employees that he has been receiving lots of text messages, emails, and phone calls from concerned individuals.

He commented that although there is growing support for gay-gay and lesbian-lesbian marital unions there is still a lot of non-support and downright anger.

So he has decided to issue a Papal Directive that should make everyone happy.

He stated that effective April 1, 2014, gay couples will be allowed to marry but they must donate $1,000 to the church.

He said that the anti-gay faction will be happy because it will bring in a lot of money to the church, which is still having to pay off billions of dollars in lawsuit settlements thanks to a certain group of hormone-crazed priests.

The pope then added that since 97.3 percent of all gays and lesbians can be classified as rich, the $1,000 donation will not be a problem whatsoever.

So voila! as they say in Sardinia.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more