Local Rapper Loses Credibility After Drug Charges Are Dropped

Funny story written by TheFrogBlogg

Friday, 22 July 2011


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Hip-Hop artist Keyz has spent much of the last year in a legal struggle, after drug distribution charges were leveled against him in early 2010.

The Chicago native, who's most notable for his Top 40 smash "No, But I Fa' Real Sell Drugs," had an almost overnight rise to success as he garnered the admiration of financially stable white kids desperately trying to rebel against their parents.

Today, there is a bittersweet atmosphere in the city, as the rapper copes with the fact that he maintains his freedom, but most likely ruined his music career by copping a plea like some mark ass trick. While his friends and family were overjoyed that he wouldn't be incarcerated for an extended duration, critics and other people with too much time on their hands decided to voice their opinions:

"I'm not sure I can continue to support such a disingenuous individual. When I listen to music, I expect a certain level of integrity. Now that I know Keyz doesn't actually have to sell drugs to support his family and hoes than I'm not sure what's true. I mean, what if he doesn't even smack bitches on the reg? I just don't know what to believe anymore. I feel like I just saw the Wizard behind the curtain."

While many were disheartened by Keyz apparent loss of credibility, others were more receptive to the positive outcome. Prominent Chicago attorney, Jeremy Goldensteinsberg, was thrilled with the verdict he was able to garner for his client:

"It was pretty simple actually, I just told all of the jurors that anyone delivering a guilty verdict was just flat out racist. I knew the white guilt would overwhelm most of them, but I was pleasantly surprised at how effective it was on that Latino woman."

Caucasian parents were possibly most vocal with their enthusiasm, unfortunately for Keyz this lead to the subsequent loss of white teenagers in America who were eager to distance themselves from anything condoned by adults.

While the popularity of a rapper who doesn't actually do anything of the things he claims remains to be seen, certain MC's with marketing savvy have launched preemptive strikes against possible questions against their character.

"Man, when I heard about Keyz, first thing I did is run out and cop a fucking swimming pool full of Cristal. Than I shot a couple niggas, fucked some bitches with fat asses and of course smoked a bunch of weed. I'm real as fuck America, this is me, I promise, just ask my Biographer."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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