WASHINGTON, DC - Fresh off his healthcare "victory", Harry Reid announced today that he will introduce legislation next week that will mandate that all homeowners subscribe to the American Lawn Care Program (ALCP).
In a press conference this afternoon Senator Reid said "In this single-payer lawn care system, everyone has lawn care insurance."
According to the Institute of Grass, 18,000 people in the United States kill their lawns every year from a lack of lawn care insurance--that's two lawns every hour.
This legislation will level the playing field, where rich and poor alike will be entitled to the same, mediocre lawn care service at a price usually afforded only by the ultra-rich.
