Miss California Approves Court's Decision on Same-Sex Divorce

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Wednesday, 27 May 2009


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image for Miss California Approves Court's Decision on Same-Sex Divorce
The decision went into effect when one judge beat his wood on the podium in front of the other judges.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The State of California's highest court handed down a 6-1 decision Tuesday to uphold voter-approved Prop 86, which bans the practice of allowing recently married same-sex couples to break their sacred vows of matrimony.

Gathered to see a speech by reigning Miss California Carrie Prejean at a ballroom in San Diego, supporters of Prop 86 had been nervous, unsure whether the ban on gay divorce would be allowed to stand. Cheers broke when the decision was handed down as Prejean took the stage.

"Now the vows of matrimony can only be broken by a man and a woman, as God intended it," said Prejean, struggling to be heard over the cheering crowd. Though she has never even been married, she is a Christian who likes to be photographed partially nude for money, demonstrating that she is at least consistent in her hypocrisy. "It just goes to show you, how we were able to get out there, to spread our important message, and educate the California voters. Now everybody understands how sacred divorce really is."

Another lively crowd of Prop 86 supporters had gathered at a bar in Sacramento. Leaving the cheering crowd early, Stephen Adams was burbling over with enthusiasm for the cause, tripping over his boots as he staggered out into the night air. Just before he evacuated the contents of his stomach onto his king-sized Shivvalay pickup, he managed to stammer, "When God... (hic)... when God put his sheed in Mary's who-ha wiffout her constensasis... even if the little trampff was be- beet... (hic) betrothed to Joseph... that was betwee-een a muh... muh-han (hic) and a woman! And that just goes... (hic) proves... (hic) my pfbfboint!!"

Magdalene Coulter believes core societal values were at stake in last November's election, and says she is not surprised to see the voters' decision upheld in California's highest court. "It all comes back to what your culture considers sacred. By passing Proposition 86, the voters were basically saying that the vows of matrimony are just too sacred to be broken by anyone, for any reason.

"Of course, that right should be reserved for couples involved in a sacred union between a man, a woman and God, especially in a country where it says 'In God We Trust' right there on the same money we have to pay when we file for divorces."

News of the court's decision to uphold Prop 86 is disheartening to a number of area same-sex couples who hastily got married during the brief window of opportunity last year, as they are now ready to call it quits.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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