Dems Quietly Whisper 'Obama' to Hillary

Funny story written by Tragic Rabbit

Friday, 9 May 2008

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MOTTO: 'gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc', meaning "We gladly feast on those who would subdue us."

Despite the widespread belief that she has lost the Democratic nomination for president, Hillary Rodham Clinton vowed to press on, planting her personal flag - an eagle poised above two crossed dead interns on a field of blue - and confirming fears that she will continue to fight.

She said controversies over the delegations from Michigan, Florida and twenty-two other states must be resolved.

"I'm staying in this race until there's a nominee and obviously I am going to work as hard as I can to become that nominee," she said.

A few Democrats chose what has become known as the McGovern Route to elections plain speaking. The 1972 presumptive candidate and two other prominent Democrats publicly announced yesterday that Barack Obama had won the nomination "by any practical test."

The subsequent investigations of all three by the IRS and FBI are unrelated.

"Hillary, of course, will make her own decision as to if and when she ends her campaign," Ted Kennedy said cautiously yesterday when cornered by CNN cameras.

"I think that it would be inappropriate and awkward and a little scary for any of us to contemplate telling Senator Clinton it's time for the race to be over," said Missouri Sen. Claire McCatskill, speaking to cameras from a not-so-secluded women's restroom stall in Boise, Idaho.

"This is her decision and it is only her decision.

"Look, would you please pass me some toilet paper?"

Other Democrats indicated a willingness to speak more freely, but only on condition of anonymity.

Four senators and three congressmen donned ski masks and stockings to announce that they, too, believed that the primaries in North Carolina and Indiana effectively sealed the nominations outcome. Ten thousand other ways to signal, suggest, insinuate or instigate the same thing have also been attempted by Democrats to no avail.

Last night, Hillary Rodham Clinton was gently urged by her Primary Colors co-star, John Travolta, to end her campaign for the White House.

William Jefferson Clinton has not been seen since, aides report.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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