'Toe-Tapping Larry' Seeks Dance Partner

Funny story written by Tragic Rabbit

Wednesday, 27 February 2008


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Idaho Potato Larry Craig offers unique summer job: get a behind-the-scenes look at federal government employees.

(Washington) Idaho Potato Larry Craig is offering college seniors a rare summer-job opportunity: the chance to fetch coffee and tidy toilets in his Capitol Hill office while he fights to withdraw his Minnesota guilty plea.

Craig has sent news releases and personal ads to newspapers throughout his home state offering 'positions' to interested, fit young volunteers. But it remains unclear whether the 'positions' will be enacted before Craig has to relocate to one of Minnesota's many charming minimum-security prisons.

"For anyone interested in politics, toilets or sleazy sex, this is an incredible opportunity to get a behind-the-scenes look at how our federal government actually functions," says the Craig office press release.

Interns usually perform 'grunt' work for members of Congress such as: answering phones, sorting mail and accompanying interested senators to the washroom.

Craig, a three-term Potato, pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct in August after he was accused of soliciting sex in a bathroom at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.

After the matter became public, drastically curtailing further toilet adventures by the senatorial spud, Craig tried to withdraw his plea. A judge in Minnesota refused, saying Craig's plea "was accurate, voluntary and dripping with enough trashy, repetitive, sexually explicit verbiage to be mistaken for the newest Laurell K. Hamilton novel."

Craig has appealed that ruling.

Craig claims the undercover police officer (age 25, very fit, versatile, nonsmoker) misinterpreted his foot tapping and stroking hand gestures as signals that he wanted sex; the fancy footwork giving rise to his nickname "Toe-tapping Larry".

But Larry Craig is no Gene Kelly.

The Senate Ethics Committee (sic) said earlier this month that Craig acted improperly in connection with the men's room sex sting last year and had brought discredit on the Senate by failing to immediately buy and/or sleaze his way out of the charges.

Washington remains aghast at the news that a U.S. Senator would attempt to evade legal consequences of his own actions.

Larry Craig's office could not be reached for comment, though the phone message was rather colorful.

Tragic Rabbit, Washington Muckraker

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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