Rolling Stones' drummer Charlie Watts, 68, has announced that he will undergo surgery later this week to fuse himself to White Stripes drummer, Meg White. The surgery will involve removing each of the drummer's lower halves and switching them.
"I'm a bit miffed at the whole thing you know. I've all been the groundbreaking one in the group, always," frontman Mick Jagger stated in a candid interview. "I think it's bollocks, Watts-y just wants attention," bandmate Keith Richards added in a drunken rage.
Words from the White Stripes camp were short and otherwise useless. "I'm supportive of Meg no matter what she does," bandmate Jack White cried out while being mobbed by raging fans. Meg White, 27, has not commented.
Results of the surgery will be disclosed later next month. Details reportedly involve a whopping ten thousand gallons of type O negative blood, and seventeen doctors to oversee the procedure. Medical students from institutions such as Harvard and Oxford will be invited to observe as well.
The Rolling Stones go on tour for the record-breaking millionth time later next year.