Bush Reverses Stand on Gay Marriage

Funny story written by dalepetrie

Wednesday, 25 February 2004

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With Bush, Anything Goes

In a startling about face from his recent comments supporting a Constitutional Amendment to ban gay marriage, U.S. President George W. Bush announced that gay weddings were now "AOK" with him. Bush made the decision after meeting with lobbyists from the floral, jewelery, baked goods, textiles and catering industries.

According to unnamed sources, Bush was convinced that allowing gays, particularly gay men, to marry would bring an enormous economic boom to the U.S., just in time for the upcoming elections. A spokesman for a publication known as "The Wedding Pages" had this to say. "Think about the lavish weddings your typical gay man would have. The average heterosexual wedding pumps upwards of $25,000 into the economy with the purchase of dresses and tuxedos, shoes, headgear, wedding cakes, catering, liquor, music, jewelry, and cosmetology, not to mention the flowers. This price can be much higher depending on one's standards and geographic location. Who holds themselves to a higher standard when it comes to appearances than the gay male? Imagine how fabulous some of these gay weddings would be!"

It is estimated that each year gay marriage is illegal in the U.S. costs the economy a whopping 50 billion dollars. These lost revenues have not gone unnoticed by the profiteers in the industry who can charge several thousand dollars for a friggin' cake and still sleep at night, or by the caterers who charge more per plate than most Republican fundraisers. As such, lobbyists from those industries which would profit the most have pledged several million dollars in direct and indirect support for the Bush re-election campaign if Bush would simply reverse his stance.

When presented with this offer from what could become his largest financial backer, Bush threw his cowboy hat in the air and shouted, "yeeeehaaaaawww, you got yourselves a deal there pardners." Bush's wife Laura, a librarian by trade, earlier urged a public discussion on this issue, but could not be reached for comment on her husband's new stance. Apparently she was job hunting as she expects to be unemployed come November. This process is reportedly taking a great deal of time, because she is seeking employment in a library, and her husband's economic policies have decimated the U.S. public library system to the extent that it's now next to impossible to find one that's even open to take her application.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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