Bush Man: Your Teacher's a Terrorist

Funny story written by Chuck Terzella

Tuesday, 24 February 2004

image for Bush Man: Your Teacher's a Terrorist

President George W. Bush's Education Secretary, Rod Paige, has dubbed the National Education Association (NEA) a "Terrorist Organization". The head of the nation's largest Teacher's Union, Osama Bin Laden, speaking from his hideout in Pakistan (where he is rumored to be surrounded by seventy five thousand American troops whose aim is to make Pakistan a more educationally responsible country), has condemned the statement. He said:

"Allah be praised. I am issuing a Fatwah against this Bush infidel for comparing the NEA to organizations such as Al Qaida or Hamas. How dare they. The Hospital Workers Union, now there's a terrorist organization. When those guys stick you with a needle it hurts so much you just gotta go Jihad."

Mr. Paige later apologized for the remark by saying that the NEA was using "obstructionist scare tactics", which is as close to a mea culpa as any Team Bush member has come to expressing regret over any stupid thing they've said.

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan said, "The comment was inappropriate and the Secretary recognized it was inappropriate and quickly told the NEA to stick it where the sun don't shine. That should end it."

Unnamed White House Source Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse said, " Look, it's all part of the President's new election year strategy... we're going to see exactly how many people we can insult and alienate and still win the election. You see, we're not worried about losing, the fix is in. We've got the money we need to inundate the airwaves, to buy the Supreme Court and there's been talk of just buying off John Kerry too, just for fun. It's gonna be a great year. Next week Condi Rice is going to call the nations police forces Nazi wannabes and Don Rumsfeld is planning on calling Tony Blair a pasty faced git."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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