In a surprising campaign turnaround, President George W. Bush has cast himself as the ‘Peace Candidate' and has begun portraying Presidential hopeful John Kerry as a warmonger. "Folks don't realize how much of an old hippy I am," President Bush, wearing a tie dyed tee shirt, bell bottom jeans and sandals under his flight suit said to a crowd of stoned and confused young people at a Rave on a New York City Lower East Side campaign stop. " I was so against the war in Vietnam that I got out of serving there by having my Daddy get me into the Texas Air National Guard. Then, being more peace loving than that, I decided it was wrong to serve my country in any way, shape or form, so I didn't even attend my scheduled drills there, except once to go get a cavity filled for free and grab a paycheck."
On the other hand, Mr. Bush continued, " That War Monger John Kerry actually volunteered for the Army and went and served in Vietnam, where he undoubtedly killed a bunch of guys and then, when he got back, and this is even worse, he became a Democrat. Ugh, it makes my skin crawl."
When asked to comment on the Presidents remarks, one Raver asked, "Who was that guy? What's a Hippie? Who's John Kerry and what was Vietnam? It's all so beautiful."
Vice President Dick Cheney, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and Attorney General John Ashcroft, in keeping with the Administrations new "We're Here to Get a Little Peace" Platform have appeared at press conferences wearing buttons that said, ‘Hell No, We Won't Go!' and ‘Kerry is Bad for Children of Republicans and Other Living Things' and shouting "Peace Out!" at the assorted press reporters, who in response threw pencils and notebooks at them.
