Written by Chuck Terzella

Sunday, 22 February 2004

image for Arnold to Terminate Gay Marriage

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has called on his states Attorney General Bill Lockyer to issue a ban on gay marriage, calling it "An imminent threat to Civil Order." In a statement issued from the Governors Mansion in Sacramento the former actor said, " Something has to be done. Gay Marriage will tear the fabric of California apart. These Nancy Boys must be stopped or we'll have rioting in the streets, murder, pillage and rape...well, maybe not rape, but all the rest of that stuff could happen. Plus, I'm worried that if this Gay thing goes on some man may try to touch my pee pee."

The former actor continued, " Look, I have nothing against Lesbians, that's pretty hot, but I promised Maria that I'd never grope married women and I don't want to cut down on my opportunities, you know? After all, America is the Land Of Opportunity isn't it?

" I thought back to what my old buddy Kurt (Kurt Waldheim, former United Nations Secretary General and Nazi War Criminal ) once told me, ‘If you want to stay in power pick a group and outlaw and persecute them.' Now, Kurt had the Jews, but they finance way too many of my movies for me to after them, so Gays are my choice. They're just hair dressers and set designers and stuff. Who needs em?"

Since San Francisco has started issuing Gay marriage licenses more than 3000 have been issued. Mr. Schwarzenegger has been said to think that while the idea of gay marriage has been appalling and makes him physically ill, there is also an upside to this. " This way we have a list."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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