Court Grants Restraining Order for Dead Woman

Funny story written by Skull, Temple of

Monday, 19 March 2007

Nimbin, Australia. A Local Court in the hippie capital of Australia has taken the unprecedented action of granting an Apprehended Violence Restraining Order (known locally as an AVO), even though the complainant had died three days earlier.

32 year old Yoga Teacher Marakesh Heavenly Rainbow Jones appeared briefly before the Court to be told he must not go within 100 metres of his ex-wife, Bornagin Krishtun, despite her death last Tuesday.

Her former crisis counsellor (Ms.) Hari Umpitzanovo Rawls asked the Court to review the AVO application, which had earlier been withdrawn from the Court Schedule by the Police Prosecutor. Sergeant Stan Danko said 'The accident was not from any cause related to the case (against her former partner) and, let's face it, we don't do AVO's for deadies!'

Ms. Rawls however appealed to the Court to hear the case anyway, claiming that Mr. Jones was such a 'nasty character' that he needed a blot on what appeared to be a flawless record just to 'teach the bastard a lesson'. The locally known radical feminist said she could give testimony on behalf of her dead friend because 'I had nagged her for days about saying the right things today'.

'Shit people, he's go testosterone, doesn't he deserve an AVO?', Ms. Rawls screamed from the bar table. Lawyers appeared confident she had shot her own case up in flames, when the Judge Oym Tustownd QC made the shock ruling that a 21-day interim AVO would be granted!

Mr. Jones agreed to the order, promising the Court he 'wouldn't piss on the old crow's grave'.

Judge Tustownd when later approached by reporters in a local hemp bar said 'What she died? Oh phew, I thought you said she lied.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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