BILLINGSGATE POST: Going far down into the ranks, while disregarding a number of four star generals, President Trump today nominated Major Amos B. Hoople to be his Secretary of Defense.
Major Hoople came up through the ranks. Entering the Army as an enlisted man, he soon gained a reputation as a no-nonsense soldier. Disdaining the usual protocol of cow towing to those superior to him, he endeared himself to his men by prefacing every order with, “EGAD FAP, KAFF KAFF, GULP, GLUG GLUG.”
By the time he was 42, he had risen to the rank of Major. With a distinguished future ahead of him, he made a career altering mistake at a cocktail party by asking a general’s wife if she would like to make $20 the hard way.
Within days, he received orders to Afghanistan, where he immediately made an impact on his men by ordering that all Afghan women between the ages of 18 and 32 wear Saran Wrap burqas.
Major Hoople considered the fictional First Lieutenant Milo Minderbinder of Catch-22 his hero. Among other nefarious activities, Milo negotiated with the Germans to bomb his own squadron when his syndicate's cash flow ran low due to excessive investment in Egyptian cotton.
With Tucker Carlson and Colonel Sanders both recommending Major Hoople for the post, it was an easy choice for President Trump, who has little respect for high ranking generals who double cross him.
Dr. Slim: “A great choice. Sometimes it takes a while for the cream to come to the top.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Fools rush in where Angels fear to tread.”
