Syndicated by over 100 newspapers, this popular feature has not appeared on The Spoof for over a year due to personal liability issues following the last publication of his column. Questions that only Dr. Billingsgate would dare to answer are given precedence.
Dear Dr. Billingsgate:
Recently, my husband was chosen by a candidate for the presidency to be her running mate. (I will not mention her name). But she identifies herself as “Black” and wears pantsuits. My husband is a slob and usually dresses casual. But lately he has taken to wearing matching pantsuits with her at campaign stops.
Over the years, I have never questioned my husband’s sexual identity because he was a gung-hole sergeant in the National Guard and coached football. I should have known better. On our honeymoon, he couldn’t keep his hands off my underwear. Initially, I thought it was kind of funny to see him parade around the house in my panties and bra, singing “I am woman,” at the top of lungs. Now, I see him regressing. Can you believe he even put tampons in the boy’s restrooms? Donald Trump calls him “Tampon Tim.
Should I be worried?
Troubled Wife
Dear Troubled Wife,
Thank God you’re finally seeking help. There is only one way to correct this deviant behavior. If your husband continues to wear women’s pantsuits, I suggest you buy some Fruit of the Loom ball huggers and wife beater undershirts and see how he likes it when you go “balls to the walz” at his campaign events. Eventually, he will get the picture and dress like a slob again.
Respectfully,
Dr. Billingsgate
Dr. Slim: “Once a guy goes rogue wearing pant suits, he never goes back.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. “Why would you want to?”
