BILLINGSGATE POST: Pollsters are predicting that Sleepy Joe Biden will once again get the suburban mummy vote in the presidential election. In the last election, reports of heavily-bandaged mummies standing in line to cast their vote for Biden gave Trump supporters reason to question the validity of the outcome. The man who looks like he has spent the past 3,000 years entombed in a pyramid, doesn’t look any better today.
Not since King Tut was the golden boy of ancient Egypt has such an inspirational leader surfaced from the dead to resurrect voters who were laid to rest years ago.
Pollsters differ on how extensive this change of voter eligibility will have on the coming election. Cadaver Institute spokesmummy, Oily Stiff, points out that: “There are more of us than them.”
The Monster Mash
(They played the mash) They played the monster mash
(The monster mash) It was a graveyard smash
(They played the mash) It caught on in a flash
(They played the mash) Oh yes, they played the monster mash
Out from his coffin, Joe’s voice did ring
Seems he was troubled by just one thing
He opened the lid and shook his fist
And said, "Whatever happened to my Pennsylvania stiffs?”
[Chorus]
(It's now the mash) It's now the monster mash
(The monster mash) And it's a graveyard smash
(It's now the mash) It's caught on in a flash
(It's now the mash) It's now the monster mash
With newly-surfaced images of Joe Biden’s sarcophagus being opened for public display, the inspiration this may give to long-buried voters may prove to put Sleepy Joe over the hump once again, along with his dromedary mate, Kamala “Breath” Harris.
Dr. Slim: “You see his face? I have seen mummies better preserved than that.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Still looks better than Kamala.”
