GOP Picky Magazine reporter Tabitha Wishywater says she recently spoke with Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump at a (what else) McDonalds.
As she observed his orange as hell complexion, his itty bitty toddler hands and fingers, and his hairdo that looked like he combed it with firecrackers, Miss Wishywater couldn't help but address the burning question: Was Trump afraid of facing the consequences for his controversial actions?
In between bites of his Big Mac, Trump confidently mumbled that he had a top Trump trump-card up his sleeve. He claimed that the United States Supreme Court would vote in favor of pardoning him, ensuring his immunity from prosecution.
When reminded that the power of pardon does not lie within the jurisdiction of the Supreme Court, he smirked like a cat that had just devoured a canary and responded, "Tabby, let me tell you a little secret. During my presidency, as the greatest president in this country's history, I cunningly slipped in a Presidential Executive Order, inbetween some late-night texting, stating that I, Donald Trump, am immune from arrest and imprisonment, regardless of the reasons. From lying to state attorney generals, tax evasion, counterfeiting, to even pussy grabbing, I am untouchable."■
