TIJUANA, Mexico - (Satire News) - Mexico's El Ole News has just announced that it is canceling its yearly Cinco de Mayo festivities.
A spokesperson for the Tijuana city council explained that in a city where gunfire rages almost 24/7, the town leaders decided that it would not be in the best interest of Tijuana's over 2 million inhabitants.
When asked if the Baja California Drug Cartel played any part in the cancellation, the spokesperson replied, "Nopers, dat ees not dee reesun, tank ju too many."
Tijuana will instead put on a concert to benefit "The Elderly Grandmothers of Matadors."
Music will be provided by California's popular Sopapilla Muchachas Band, whose latest hit single is "He Asked My Daddy For My Hand - And Daddy Told Him That He Would Have To Take All of Me."
