Kevin McCarthy isn’t happy, and it’s not necessarily the Democrats' fault! (Well, it is, but he hasn’t gotten around to saying that since he’s just so angry!)
Kevin has insisted that he does NOT and has never used the Hair Club for Men.
Some evil Dems have suggested that McCarthy's hair is not real.
"Show us the follicles! Show us your REAL hairline!" shouted protesters in DC.
McCarthy has been seen by Private Dicks entering and leaving "Uncle Sal's Hair Emporium" with a bulky paper bag under his arm.
What was in the bag, Kevin?
He refuses to say, but having a thick mane of grey-white hair cannot be possible, some scientists say, in this day and age given the amount of toxins in the air and all the gene splicing that's been going on, mostly by Bill Gates, for some reason.
And just when this reporter thought this article was just about the impossibility of luxurious hair ... Kevin McCarthy went through ... THE CHANGE!
BREAKING NEWS!!!!
Kevin McCarthy has shed his human skin to reveal the monster snake thing he really is inside! Does his species want to rule Earth and enslave Mankind? Will he and his Snake Queen reproduce their kind to destroy the human race entirely?
Is his hair just part of his disguise, since most if not all snakes have hair - not on their heads, anyway!
McCarthy has been quoted to say: "I'm not a snake! I am a man! My hair is real! I just want to be loved!"
Which just so happens to be the song ringtone on this reporter’s phone! Thank you, Elvis Costello – say that name 5 times fast with your slithery snake tongue, Kev!
