CROW'S CROTCH, Massachusetts - (Satire News) - The Boston Evening Moon Newspaper has broken the story that a family of vampires has invaded the very peaceful, docile, somewhat boring coastal town of Crow's Crotch, Massachusetts.
Reporter Sigmund Cottonseed with the Evening Moon learned from an old Canadian soothsayer that the vamps came to Massachusetts from Nova Scotia.
Local residents of Crow's Crotch, have expressed concern as this type of vampires (the A-1 variety strain) are noted for having extremely powerful mouths which can suck out more blood than your average run-of-the-mill vampires.
The Faloonian strain of vampires were apparently driven out of Nova Scotia by the horrendously cold winter weather, along with some angry, bitter French Canadians who just do not care for these self-centered, scary-as-shit-looking evil bastard and bitch vampires. ■
