MAR-A-LAGO - (Satire News) - The Palm Beach Gazette-Bulletin says that Mar-a-Lago resident Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump, states empathically that he will fight the charges that he is addicted to medicinal heroin.
The Alpha Beta News Agency learned from a very reliable source, who works inside Trump's estate, that El Estupido (The Stupid One), as he is known by millions of Spanish-Speaking Floridians, has been addicted to medicinal heroin, ever since he began taking it after he was bitten on his scrotum by a crazed woodchuck.
Trump's personal physician Dr. Yang Fufi, says that he has not seen the Nazi-lover in over 8 months, and the only thing he knows is that his weight is officially in the range of a professional Japanese sumo wrestler.
The unnamed Mar-a-Lago employee, who is believed to be either one of the maids, or else the Mar-a-Lago tree trimmer, noted that the pussy grabber now weighs 366¼.
